Baptism

In the midst of my struggle during Lent, I am reminded of a special moment I had with Jesus a bit over a year ago. During JAM Vanessa read a guided meditation that I don't remember the details of but she began with a prayer for the Holy Spirit to guide and protect our imaginations. Then we were to picture Jesus being with us. After that I ignored the meditation and let Jesus lead me...

There were two rocks facing each other at the top of a small cliff. Jesus sat on one, I on the other. He kept His loving eyes looking into mine and was smiling at me. Then after a few moments Jesus got up and stood at the edge of the cliff. I followed Him.

We looked at the deep, wide river below us and next thing you know, Jesus jumped into it! I hesitated, but not long enough for Him to resurface, and then jumped after Him. The river was so refreshing and cool - it felt so great! When I surfaced the water, I didn't see Jesus, just the welling of water from where a dove emerged and flew off into the sky.

Lent

My lent has been non-existent. Instead of dying to the world with Christ to share in His resurrection, I've been dying to Life. This is definitely not the way I imagined the final steps of the journey into the Church. It has been a huge struggle. I know that lent is supposed to be a time of suffering and struggling. But my suffering isn't because I'm fasting from something. I wake up every day with more anger and hurt in my heart. I've turned my back to Him. It's like I'm walking backwards towards Him, if that makes sense.